We are back with our weekly updates from our in house agony aunt ‘Aunty Fabulous’ and hear some of the questions she has been asked, it was a great to hear how, ‘Aunty Fabulous’ tackled these obstacles.
Aunty Fabulous is now booking sessions for one-to-on lifestyle coaching at The Joshi Clinic, 57 Wimpole Street, London W1. Call her to see how she can help you make positive change 07958984195.
Question: My sex life with my partner has never been great. Over the last couple of years it has become more of an issue and we hardly have sex any more.
My husband likes to cross dress and I have found him wearing my dresses, knickers and stockings with suspenders. It has been a terrible shock for me.
He does everything possible to avoid seeing me when he gets dressed up even though I have tried talking to him but it always ends in tears.I thought he was gay or bi but he says he isn’t.I have been so stressed and upset and have put on so much weight which he hates and our sex life hardly exists. He gives me an occasional kiss though. I have told him how unhappy I am and that I am eating for emotional comfort but he ignores me. If I lose the weight it won’t make a difference, which makes it very hard to motivate myself .
I love my husband and am so distraught as I also love sex and don’t know what to do. Can you help Aunty Fabulous?
AUNTY FABULOUS ANSWER: Asking for help is your first step to making positive change.Talking is key when it comes to helping you solve any problems you have.
It sounds like your husband may be going through his own inner turmoil and would benefit from talking to a professional who can help him open up and discover what it is he feels and wants. Your GP should be able to advise him which organisation will be best to go to.
Communication is key in relationships and it is important that he understands your need to have clarity as to what is going on with your marriage. Sex and intimacy is part of that communication and it is good to hear he still gives you kisses even though they are not often.
When you are together next ask him to sit down and say you need him to listen to you if he wants to move forward in your marriage. Even though you have talked to him before this time show him you are serious and you need to both make choices for positive change and get help if that is what you both want.
Turning to food and eating for comfort is something many people do when emotional issues affect our daily lives. Living in a marriage with a man that hides what he does from you and who hardly sleeps with you any more is frustrating and emotionally draining.
It’s time to take back control. Control of YOU. Start to build your own self-esteem and confidence again. Get yourself back into a place of feeling good about you again. Once you feel more positive and have more energy mentally and physically this will enable you to make the right decisions for you.
Do you have children? If you do you will need to consider the impact this is having or will have on them. You need to get yourself in mental shape again.
The first thing i suggest you do is join a slimmers club such as Weight Watchers or Slimmers World where there are other people to support you. Alternatively, depending on your financial situation you could see a private nutritionist who can help you on a one-to-one basis. You can also look at Nutritionist Resource http://www.nutritionist-resource.org.uk/
Exercise will help you physically and mentally. What exercise do you do now? If you aren’t doing anything I would suggest joining a fun class such as zumba or other dance style classes as exercise increases chemicals in our body called endorphins which will help lift your mood.
Getting out into the fresh air, join a walking group and finding a relaxation and meditation class can also help you to feel better about you.
Whatever exercise you choose i would suggest working out at least three to four times a week plus making sure you get out into the fresh air and walk every day and relax too.
If you have the opportunity to be pampered at a beauty salon this can also give you a boost.
Taking back control of your body is a great feeling and YOU CAN DO IT.
Tell yourself ‘I believe in myself’ ‘I am control’ ‘ I am calm and relaxed’
Breathing can is also a great way to help you relax. Take a deep breath in slowly for the count of 6 and release slowly for 8. You may need to start with 4 breaths in and 5 out and build up. Do this several times focusing just on your breath and let everything else flow in and out of your head by just letting it go.
Start focusing on you and what you want . IT’S TIME TO TAKE ACTION NOW!
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