We are back with our weekly updates from our in house agony aunt ‘Aunty Fabulous’ and hear some of the questions she has been asked, it was a great to hear how, ‘Aunty Fabulous’ tackled these obstacles.
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Question: Lots of our readers today are finding that house prices in London are so extortionate that they are :
A. Having to move back in to their parents as it is the only way to save money to get onto the property ladder. For young adults this is really not something they want to be doing and feel like they are taking a step backwards. They have just started earning money and being able to achieve that hefty deposit even for a one bedroom flat is still only a dream. This is making our readers feel extremely down, is there any advice you would give to them.
Aunty Fabulous Says:
Moving back into your parents home with your husband or partner can be a daunting prospect when you want to have your own place.
Getting on the property ladder is a far cry from how it used to be. It seems to have become more and more accepted that young couples starting out move back home.
The plus side is you can save money and start planning for the future.
If you and your partner have recently started earning money this is a great time to begin planning and looking to the future. Working in a company as an assistant or trainee means there is earning potential as you move up the ladder and the possibility of a salary increase revue during or at the end of the year. This should give you a boost. Look at the positive side of what you can achieve.
The great news living with your parents is there will be no major bills to pay, no mortgage and no pressure! Perhaps they will ask you to make a small contribution to food for instance. You could help by offering to do the shopping every so often. STOP looking at the negative!
Aunty Fabulous Tip:
Remember that your parents wouldn’t ask you to stay if they didn’t want to help you. Be happy to have this opportunity. They were a young couple starting out once. Getting a mortgage and putting down a deposit was different. They know and understand young peoples challenges.
If you and your partner choose to move back in with your parents because there are no other choices and money is tight here are a few tips to help:
Aunty Fabulous Tip:
Make sure you all have your own space. Have a night out at the movies with your partner or have a romantic night in when you know your parents are going out! Plan what you are going to do. Your parents need time to themselves as much as you do.
· Talk to them about what will work best for them
· Don’t let your parents feel you are taking advantage of them.
· Help around the house
· Arrange one or two evenings a week to cook dinner or make them or make a lovely Sunday lunch to show your appreciation.
Once you have established the ground rules you will have a much happier household as everyone will know what to expect.
Communication and understanding is very important in every relationship. Keep your communication channels open.
B: Having to move in with their partner before they are engaged. It is unusual for young couples in their early 20s to both be homeowners and more often than not most people’s other halves end up moving into the homeowners place to avoid paying rent and somewhat wasting their money. Sometimes this can lead to couples feeling “too” comfortable and never taking that step forward to get engaged and to plan for having a family. It has been a known fact that you never really do know someone before you actually live with them. What advice would you give to these young girls out there who’s partners are becoming too complacent and not actually putting a ring on it?
Aunty Fabulous Says:
If your partner owns a home and wants you to move in with him it’s your choice to decide if this will be the right decision for you.
Consider conversations you have had about getting engaged, married and having children. Is this something you and your partner want? Perhaps he feels that moving in initially together before getting engaged will give you both the opportunity to get to know each other more. You may feel the same.
Getting to know your partner by living with them before getting engaged can also be a great way to discover how compatible you both are. Learning about each other’s ways of doing things in the home and your different habits can lead to more understanding and build on an even greater relationship.
Getting ‘too comfortable’ is something that can happen to anyone moving in with their partner. It is up to you not let it get to the stage where it becomes too cosy and engagement doesn’t seem to be on the agenda.
If you notice your partner is getting too complacent if you have moved in with him and you don’t see him wanting to move forward in your relationship you need to keep him on his toes!
Or you can wait! He may surprise you!
Aunty Fabulous Tip:
‘If you do decide to move in with him,’
Avoid getting too cosy every day and night. Make sure you still see your friends, have your own hobbies and interests and a couple of girly fun nights out. Of course it is still very important to spend quality time together to build on the loving relationship you have. This can continue when you do get engaged and married too although some priorities like girly nights out may not be as frequent when babies come along!
· Keeping you independence is key if you move in with him. Don’t let him think you are totally reliant on him. And definitely don’t let him expect you to be there and do everything for him all the time! Relationships are about give and take. Remember who you are and what you want.
Communicate on a regular basis!
The other alternative could be for you to stay living with your parents – which may not be an option – and stay with your partner a few times a week.
Renting on your own can drain you of your funds and leave you without owning your own property. Maybe you have a few friends you could initially share rent with which may be a cheaper and more practical solution than renting on your own.
Ultimately it comes down to choice. It is your choice to choose what will work better for you.
Moving in with your boyfriend can lead to a wonderful future together including a ring on your engagement finger. You will never know until you take that leap of faith and give it a go!
If you have any further questions for our ‘Aunty Fabulous’ that you would like her to address please send them to – firstname.lastname@example.org
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