We are back with our weekly updates from our in house agony aunt ‘Aunty Fabulous’ and hear some of the questions she has been asked, it was a great to hear how, ‘Aunty Fabulous’ tackled these obstacles.
Question: Most new mothers are often so sleep deprived that any opportunity they can get an early night they will, however this often leads to no bedroom activity causing stress and tension between newly weds and couples that have been married for a few years with other young children. They can also lack in confidence and are very body conscious. How would you help people in this situation?
Aunty Fabulous Says:
After carrying a baby for nine months it is very normal to feel tired and want to feel and look like you again! A physical relationship with your husband may not be the first thing on your agenda!
I was coaching someone who had a three month old baby girl. Before having her baby she was working at an advertising agency up until her last trimester. She used to exercise at a gym near work twice a week, do a spin class and a dance class once a week and felt full of energy. She also went to pre-natel classes and enjoyed making new friends with other soon-to-be mums.
Before baby she enjoyed a sex with her husband. Of course it was not exactly the same with a huge bump but they had a wonderful rapour and enjoyed special times together.
When their baby was born she had a live-in nurse for a month and her mother came over everyday to help and give my coachee time for herself. Her mother-in-law was also amazing and always there to give a helping hand too.
My client’s husband was out at work all day during the week and when he came home he wanted to spend time with his wife as well as their baby. She was too tired to give him any attention.
Their connection became strained and the atmosphere at home was tense. This can be quite common between a husband and wife following the birth of their baby as all the attention is on baby and although it is new and exciting it is mentally and physically tiring too.
Instead of going out and doing something for herself she stayed at home and went to sleep when her mother came over leaving her to take care of her grandchild – which of course Grandma loved!!
Her baby wasn’t keeping her up at night and her husband gave his daughter a night-time and early morning feed when he got up for work so his wife could lie in. He also helped out at other times too. He was great at changing nappies!
My client needed to get motivated and get going for herself. She was stuck, felt self-conscious about her body, lacked energy and a zest for life.
Her sex life with her husband was zero – even though she had been given the go ahead from her gynaecologist that she could start having a physical relationship with her husband again.
She was desperately in need of a massive confidence and self-esteem boost to feel like a woman again.
After our first session my client started to see there was a life for her and her husband after having their baby girl! She hadn’t considered her husbands feelings and knew she was feeling tired all the time and needed to do something about it.
They needed to start communicating more!
Spending some quality time with her husband to re-ignite their love, romance and connection was important for them both.
My clients mother and mother-in-law had offered to babysit for the evening or a weekend so her daughter and son-in-law could have time just for them. Her daughter had refused in the past – this time she said YES!
She also arranged for her Mum and mother-in-law to have her baby girl at different times during the week for a morning, afternoon or sometimes a day so she could pamper herself and feel like a woman again!
Date nights with her husband became a regular item on the agenda and so did the occasional weekend away!
Aunty Fabulous has a new clip on You tube – How to declutter Your Mind (check it out)
Aunty Fabulous Tip:
Plan your date nights with your husband and book the occasional weekend away.
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