We hear there is nothing more consuming for a woman than the desire to have a baby. Yes, even more of an incessant want than that you get when you see those phenomenal five inch heels from the new Tory Burch collection.
But unlike that time we really wanted that rabbit or that puppy which we knew deep down we could always give away if we needed to (SORRY), a baby is for life. It’s a responsibility, it’s a life changer, it’s… forever. For the commitment phobes among us (does a mediocre date last more than three anyone?), it can be pushed back and back until… wait, are we now too late?
Outfit: Belly Bandit
With one part of North London Calling a mummy and the other not, it got us thinking. When is the right time to actually have a baby? Some could argue that there is never a ‘right time’ but for others, it can be planned, the nursery already complete and the future baby name down on the most prestigious school in the area – all before they’ve even thrown away their pack of pills. So what should one consider when thinking about the ‘right time’ to have a baby?
Bras, tops, tables, surveillance… no we’re not talking about things needed for your new walk in wardrobe. Babies are expensive. Mothercare have created lists that you need to reference detailing things to buy. From mums-to-be books and sleep wear right through to the hospital checklist, things can get pricey. That’s not even thinking about what to get the little one for the trip home from the hospital, the clothes they’ll need in the first few months and the nap time/bath time equipment.
Consider if both of you will be working up to the due date and if you’ll be returning to work. Have you thought about how your utility bills and mortgage will tick over while you take time away to be with the baby?
Some couples find it a strain on the balance of their relationship when a new born arrives. Have you discussed how each of you will input into the finances and have you addressed the shift in control of the finances should one of you not return back to work? Often mums can struggle with not having their own disposable income.
Some lucky women can snap back into their pre baby body in a few months. It’s in their genes or they’re just generally freaks of nature (we’re not bitter, honest). For 99.9% of the population though, you will put on weight, your body will change and chances are your belly will look different (hello, you are carrying a baby after all). Sorry, we’re going there. Whilst we totally embrace being a new mum and indulging in our new natural being, for some whether you admit it or not, it does make a difference. Are you ready for the big change?
A late Friday night followed by an extra long lie in on a Saturday morning is the norm for most young couples. One of the main responses when you ask how any new mum is doing is… they’re tired. They’ve been up all night, they can’t sleep well, they find it difficult to sleep when the baby does. Sleep deprivation is something that mothers can’t be blasé about and the circle of frustration followed by tiredness followed by too much exerted energy can really affect new mums.
So many people we know struggle with childcare. Whether you’re unsure on the right kind of childcare, pricing or the right age to send your babies, it can be a complete minefield. Have you thought about your schedule post baby? Will you be a full time mum or do you need to work out child care around your work/lifestyle?
There are so many types of anxiety to consider when expecting. Mothers can be anxious when carrying, about the birth, even getting the baby home. Then you have separation anxiety whenever you need to leave your baby, anxiety over taking the baby out with you for day to day activities and anxiety over leaving them at nursery. Are you ready mentally?
It’s no secret and these days it’s so much less of a taboo. When you have a baby, you rarely have time for sex. You’re tired, probably irritable, you’re sleep deprived, exhausted and considering you probably won’t even have time for a nice long bath and a hair wash, it’s unlikely that you’ll want to throw on your sexiest lingerie for a session under the duvet. Couples all around the world experience this so know that you’re not alone.
When you do see that little blue line on the pregnancy test, it’s common to be nervous. It’s essentially saying goodbye to the end of one chapter and hello to the beginning of another… like getting engaged, getting married, buying a house, becoming a British citizen. You’ll probably feel mixed emotions and that’s completely normal. Good luck.